over the years i have learned that growing up isn’t exactly what i thought it was all about.
growing up has been defined by going to college, drinking, bills, responsibility, success, marriage, and having children.
but as i actually do “grow up” i am learning that all those things have very little to do with growing up, and that growth has a lot more to do with how we embrace the loss in our lives. how we redefine our place when the definition has been taken from us.
when our memories become only those, and our traditions are forced to take on new backgrounds. we go from the large family gatherings, to the mini christmas tree and a husband and a wife. we see family members pass away, september 11 breaks through our skylines, war happens, marriages fall apart, and random acts of violence puncture our hearts.
it is the way we look at loss. it is the way we allow it to run deep through our bodies and completely absorb into us, until the sun starts feeling warm again. it is the way we face what we can not change. what we do when there is no one to tell us how.
growing up is to embrace the most painful parts of our lives and in the them, find ground to place our roots and slowly blossom into something we never imagined we could be.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s beautifully written and makes you contemplate about things you usually push to the back of your mind. To me growing up means learning that life is not as easy as you’ve always thought it should be or as it was pictured to you. It’s learning that no happily-ever-after is possible without hard work, numerous disappointments and learning to compromise. And most importantly, growing up means learning to accept life without getting angry at it for losses we incur and pain they bring along.
Aw, jeez. You done made me cry and I have to leave for class about five minutes ago.
You see, today is supposed to be my fifth wedding anniversary, but about a month ago, my husband (can I still call him that? I still don’t know what to call him anymore.) and I decided to call it quits. Not an easy decision, not an overlooked one, but just the right one for us. Regardless at how much I know this is for the best, there’s just something about THIS day that I can’t help but mourn. I probably look like such a chump walking around campus with tears welled up in my eyes for no apparent reason, but this post right here just meant so much to me. So thank you, thank you. And also thank you for following me on twitter today because otherwise I might not have found this post on the day that I needed it most. Really, truly.
Wiping my eyes, and off I go.
Eve – Thank you so much for your response, I so appreciate it! And you are so right about not letting loss grow into anger inside you because so often that can be the case.
Sonya – I read what you wrote about you and your husband today on your blog this morning, and I felt so drawn to you and that is why I followed you on Twitter – so to receive your response here was such a surprise but a welcome one. I am glad you are mourning, today is surely a day to do so.
I once started sobbing in the middle of trying to ask my employer for the rest of the day off, I was so upset about the loss of my cousin – even though it had been years ago. It just hit me – it does that. My boss was so thrown off that he immediately let me leave. Imagine what I must have looked like, so don’t you worry a minute about walking around campus with tears
Thank you for writing and I will be thinking of you today – I know that sounds odd since I don’t know you, but I’ll be doing it just the same.
That was the most beautiful thing I’ve read lately. It was just what I needed to hear today. I’ve been away from the blogging for a while and really miss it. I love how you can skip through blogs and find someone who has the same passions you do, or something that speaks so directly to you. I’m sure we are at different points in our journey of life, but at this moment I feel like perhaps your written words have reached me more than anyone who personally knows what I’m going through. Thank you for writing what you did. And also the responses were lovely- accepting life without anger takes a lot of grappling with grace.
Jeni – I so appreciate your response! Loss comes in so many forms and it is amazing that once it has touched you how many people (often close to you) don’t seem to know what to say to you. It can feel pretty lonely. That is what is truly amazing about blogging, you are actually able to find people that can relate, that you can connect with and it is a wonderful feeling of hope, strength and sometimes it really just puts it all into perspective. If only for a day. Reading all of your comments were so helpful to me, and reminded me again of what is truly important.