sincerely squid

it has been awhile since i have fallen in love with a band as much as i have with fleet foxes. their music makes me feel like a better writer then i actually am. it makes me feel closer to home then i actually am. 

being a fan for some time now i have grown to truly accept a part of my life to be affected only when hearing fleet foxes.

it instantly brings to mind moments of my childhood and my college years, that are flickers of spaces and some uncertain places that i haven’t visited in a while.

the edges are burned and the image has faded into a golden brown, but there is blue truck. a large field. a brick house. a snowy city evening seen only from a piano. there is sand. there is laughter. there is a picnic bench surrounded by leaves with words on them. there is youth. there is travel. there is hope and some regret.

and a chance to linger long enough to make a space for the future.

i started babysitting when i was eleven years old. seeing eleven year olds today, i am shocked that i started so young. but i really wanted to babysit. i really enjoyed children even at the young age of 11. my father in particular was big about responsibility, and my brother and i had a lot of it early on, so i really was ready. 

the first child i started babysitting was a boy that was mentally disabled. he was almost the same height as me, but had the mind of a 2 year old, i think he was around 8 years old at the time. i didn’t babysit him a lot, and was never with him more then 3 to 4 hours at a time, but that was truly an experience that changed my outlook on life.

i changed his diapers. i fed him. i played with him. at times it was hard. he would scream, and scratch my arms really hard. at times i was even a little scared of him. but for the most part i just learned from him. and i loved him. he was always so happy to see me, and would squeal with delight.

from there i just began filling my summer’s with babysitting. one little boy in particular i babysat i really cared about so much. his name was tyler. he had bright red hair and this solid little body that would run all over the place. always too busy. we would spend the days playing in my backyard, visiting my floppy eared rabbit, and just having fun. i would spend the night at his parents house sometimes as their babysitter, and i loved it, the parents were so great! as a 12 year old i felt pretty important. 

it all went so smoothly except for this one time, that i can still remember because i felt so horrible. i had just finished changing tyler’s diaper, and his dad came in. tyler got so excited that he went running full speed and lost balance and smacked right into the radiator. his little lip was bleeding, and i was just horrified that had happened right then, right there in front of his dad. i thought i must look like the worst babysitter ever (did i mention i was very sensitive child) but his dad was really great about it, and tyler recovered in about 2 seconds. i mentioned he was solid.

for the rest of my early years until about 18, i spent a lot of time babysitting. i had several other jobs at that time too, but babysitting was just a fill in for extra cash. i learned a lot. and it wasn’t always easy. i was peed on a lot, once twice in one day. i was scratched, my hair was pulled and one little girl socked me right in the face. another time i held a little boy above his crib for nearly 2 hours because he kept falling asleep and then waking up as soon as i put him in his crib and would sit there screaming, that i finally just held him up in a cradle position, so that when he actually fell asleep i just had to place him a few inches away. it worked, and i lost the feeling in both of my arms for several hours afterwords.

i always came back to babysitting, because i really loved to be around kids. i was a mentor for kindergartners in high school and use to volunteer quite frequently in my church’s class for the little babies, so the parents could sit through church. they all wore beepers incase the child was too upset to calm down. i did that when i was pretty young, but revisited it the experience when i was in college, at this church every wednesday. that and those stale animal crackers they keep around. 

i guess in this long rambling what i am trying to say is that taking care of kids is wonderful and crazy, and sometimes extremely unexpected, but i still was able to leave. parents can not leave, they are there all the time, and they are there through every little turn and twist that life may bring. 

you are doing a great job. i get so many apologies in my store when a child throws a bit of a fit upon leaving or loving a certain toy. it is polite of you to apologize, but know that i do not think less of you as a parent. you are doing a great job, and of course it is going to be hard for a child to leave. the only thing i think is, “i wish i could give them a piece of candy” but that is how i handle situations, and probably the reason my bulldog is 60 pounds.

it is hard for parents today. there is so much pressure, and my goodness there is so much advice, half of it not even asked for. but i see you. i hear the way you speak and the way you try. and just wanted you to know, that you are doing a great job.

on my website i can see what people have typed in as popular search terms to find my store or a product that lead them to my store. all websites do this. anyways, yesterday one of the more popular search terms was, “squid babies in my pants.” 

i am not making this up. there should seriously be a moment of silence for whoever is out there wanting squid babies in their pants. and then there should be a moment of silence that it lead them to my store.

okay i’ll admit it. i was too curious, i had to type it in the search bar, and see what would actually come up. i wanted to see if it was some kind of tribal tradition or some silly song for kids i didn’t know about.

nothing remotely close came up to that. nothing really came up at all. just links that had squid in them. therefore an excerpt from my first blog came up, and thus lead them to my store. which gave me the creepies. 

i am not sure what the world is coming too, but when you have someone typing in a search bar enough times that “squid babies in my pants” actually comes up under the radar of my most popular search terms, it’s time to get back to religion folks.

yea thats right, i said it. its time for some churchy church. and possibly a good therapist.